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  • Writer's pictureLira Kay

The Inner Game of Phenomenal Success in Business and in Love

Let's explore the psychology and energetics of success.

You will understand self sabotage, the hidden drives and agendas, addictive behavior and codependency.

Even though you want success and actively pursue it, a huge hidden part of you resists arriving to the finish line.

The fear of success is real.

Having worked with high achievers for the last 30 years, I realized, that the one who wins the game, must win against herself first.

What does it look like?

You heard me say:

Opposite of Darkness is not Light.

Opposite of Darkness is Reality.

We presume, that when we are faced with our own limitations or resistance, we fight against this dark abyss, negativity, deep anger or sadness... but what we fight against is the Reality. Yes, mundane, average, boring, ordinary reality.

High achievers tend to romanticize success.

They climb the ladder, push themselves, only to reach the top and realize, it doesn't feel THAT good after all. Just a lot of work and a lot of stuff.

The best way to ease out of resistance is to accept that Success comes with more responsibilities, more things to do, more energy needed to sustain it.

And it's ok!

You see, your subconscious mind tries to protect you from disappointment. It already knows that your vision board dream is a mirage. So what, you got your mansion! So what, you have a perfect family! So what, you are celebrated for your impact and left a legacy! It took you everything to be there! This is not what you want.

You are actually addicted to living in a chase.

Yes, you love the movement, the dynamic, the energy of your life.

Winning the race is a carrot you dangle in front of your nose, to keep going.

If you stop, what would really happen?

No power, no energy. Feeling helpless, small, unprotected.

Your Psyche already knows that. So she keeps you running. Training. Chasing. Going.

To win, you must accept the reality of being small and helpless, out of control, out of power.

Honestly, it's not that bad.

Factually, you are not a Child anymore.

Factually, there are not that many things in this life that can completely destroy you.

You have a history of rebuilding and recreating yourself, starting again.

You won't just dissapear. You will survive the worst. Just like you did before.

But let this 'ruin' be the last.

No more starting from scratch.

No more pushing and thriving, just for the sake of it.

Instead, ask yourself, wouldn't it be so bad to add a responsibility or two to my list?

What it would be like to take care of more people in my life?

What if success, as hard as it is, something I can handle with grace?

What if I don't have to arrive there alone?

Yes, you can depend on others, instead of being in a codependent relationship with your perfect successful self, that doesn't even exist.

Yes, you can openly declare your goals and take a chance at going for it, even if you might not get there and feel like a failure time to time.

Yes, you can allocate the fair amount of importance to all the things you want to have, do and be, without idealizing any of them. Without believing that this is the End Game.

And, also, without denying yourself living your dream, as grandiose or trivial as it is.

Feel yourself relax.

No more resisting.

No more living for an illusion.

Success is just doing more that anybody else,

and you can totally do that.

Wanna do it with me!?

Author: Lira Kay

Lira Kay is an international bestselling author, founder of School Of Inspired Life, a professional training center for expert coaches and healers to become world-class and in high demand.

Lira has been assisting people to transform their lives for almost 30 years, through spiritual healing workshops, psychotherapy, art, international curatorial projects, coaching, speaking and publishing.

Lira started her life coaching business 7 years ago and successfully led many transformational programs, such as 90 Days to Love, Be Phenomenal: Mindset To Empower, $10K From Monday To Friday and a $100K in 100 Days Challenge.

Her most popular one year programs Advanced Coaches and Healers Certification and Founders Lounge help successful coaches and thought leaders launch their own schools and academies and creates a solid foundation for a 7-figure transformational business.

After traveling the world Lira lives in Hawaii with her husband and their 5 daughters. You can learn more about Lira’s work at

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