• Lira Kay

What to Do If You Feel Deeply Hurt - Step By Step Guide to Solving a Conflict


How often do you find yourself feeling hurt?

From my own experience I know the feeling!


It's something somebody said or had done... they might even not know about it, but I feel this pain in my chest. I want to shut down... I want to scream... I feel how unfair it was... I try to stand up for myself... I keep tossing and turning in my sleep figuring out how did it happen to me. I start holding a grudge.... So on, and so on...


Did it happen to you, too?


Then let's look at the ways you can stop feeling hurt... because, guess what! It's not good for you.



What to do if you feel hurt.


Rephrase - I was upset.

Specify: I was upset because my expectations were not met.


Ask yourself what expectations were not met?

Did this person who didn’t meet your expectations had done it deliberately and broke an agreement you had, or this person didn’t know about your expectations?

If the person deliberately broke your agreement you can decide to solve a conflict between you two.

If this conflict is solvable, will there be a win win outcome, even if it’s not fair?

Can I win at all in this conflict?

If not, let it go.

If, yes, start negotiations, knowing that outcome might not be fair, but you will get something, and it is better than nothing.

If the person did not know about your expectations, and you, after some thinking time, decide you still want these exceptions to be met, make yourself heard.

Be ready to hear the answer and find your peace with it. Or if you didn't like the answer leave that relationship, or let go of your expectations.


Your ability to stop yourself from feeling hurt will improve with practice and experience.


Feeling hurt doesn't just feel bad... it is also bad for you in general.


Your feelings are always subjective.

Become the Master of your feelings.


Exercise non-judgmental attitude.

Learn to understand and empathize with another side.

Manage your expectations.

Learn communication skills to be able to voice your expectations.

Choose your battles.

Learn to let go.

Become more philosophical to accept that life can be unfair and a small win is better than a big loss.


... These are the things I told myself to become less hurt in my life.


I do have some in detail trainings on walking the path of the abused and the abandoned... an unfortunate positioning in life that keeps you feeling stuck and hopeless.


You can watch it here.










Author: Lira Kay


Lira Kay is an international bestselling author, founder of School Of Inspired Life, a professional training center for expert coaches and healers to become world-class and in high demand.


Lira started her life coaching business 7 years ago and successfully led many transformational programs, such as 90 Days to Love, Be Phenomenal: Mindset To Empower, $10K From Monday To Friday and a $100K in 100 Days Challenge.


Her most popular one year programs Advanced Coaches and Healers Certification and Founders Lounge help successful coaches and thought leaders launch their own schools and academies and creates a solid foundation for a 7-figure transformational business.


After traveling the world Lira lives in Hawaii with her husband and their 5 daughters. You can learn more about Lira’s work at www.schoolofinspiredlife.com



Apply to work with Lira here.


Learn about School Of Inspired Life programs here.

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